Incy Wincy What The???

I don't know about you, but it seems of late the spiders have gotten really big.  Unlike K8, I have no qualms about killing them when they are babies, as long as I don't have to do the killing.  That's right, I am a hard core arachnophobe.  I can't stand the little feckers.  Hate them, hate them, hate them.  Logical? No, but I figure I'm too old at this stage to get any sense.

I don't know what it is about them, but they just seem menacing.  Other insects are more annoying, buzzing around your head and trying to eat your lunch, but not spiders.  Spiders seem to lie in wait.  They curl up all day long and wait until you can't see them.  Then what?  If they are awake during the day they seem like they are scheming wriggling their forelegs and watching.

Now maybe I've read too many cheap crime thrillers, in which the serial killer has a penchant for arachnids, but the things just make my skin crawl.  Sometimes literally.

The babies always appear on the windows in the early summer and I try to get the man to kill them.  He laughs at me and says I'm being ridiculous, but I know that if we don't he doesn't get them know, they will just get bigger.  And bigger they have gotten.  They are now HUGE and they are starting to get in.  The sun finally starts to shine again which means leaving the windows open at night - God forbid someone in Ireland figures out the usefulness of fly screens - inevitably the spiders get in.

This irrational fear can pose some problems in regards to parenting.  Naturally I don't want my children to grow up with the same ridiculous phobia, so I try and act brave around them.   Same goes for bees, although, I have an excuse there, I'm allergic, lost my epi-pen and live half an hour away from the hospital.  I think that's a bit more rational no? 

But I digress...

A few nights ago my three year old starts screaming that there is a fly in her room.  I sigh.  This means putting down the wine glass, lowering the telly and marching my sorry ass upstairs to get rid of said fly.

Imagine my disgust and terror to find out that said fly was not at all a fly, but a giant spider climbing her ceiling.  Now if I have to I can kill them, but only when I am on eye level.  The ceiling scenario is the worst for anyone with arachnophobia - as there's a good chance the little bugger could not only fall and escape - but worse, could fall on you, or even worse, into your hair.  Ugh.

However being the good Mammy I am, I decide I am going to suck it up and get the bugger.  Show a brave face and all.  So I run into the bathroom and get a huge wad of toilet paper.  Ok, half a roll, but you can't be too careful with these menacing bastards.  I climb on the bed and set my scope on the eight-legged freak.  The toddler is now out of bed cheering me on.  "Get him, Mom, get him!"

I start to reach for him and then the fear sets in.  I just can't.  My hand approaches and I scream.  This keeps happening.  The toddler has changed her tune.  "Come on Mommy, be brave - it's just a little spider."  This encourages me a bit and I try again.  Hand gets a little closer and again I freak.  She's continuing to be a cheerleader, but now I'm getting frustrated!  "Come on Mommy, get him, be brave."

I lose it.  "Why don't YOU do it then?"

"Cos I can't reach."  SHIT!  At this point I'm at a loss and then it hits me. 

Telescopic hose on the vacuum.  Thank God for Hubert Cecil Booth.

Apologies for my absence of late. I am trying to move house whilst toddler wrangling. Needless to say, it's a little hectic around here! I've also been having email trouble, so if you've sent anything my way or were expecting a reply on anything, it might have gone missing. Please re-send!  Thanks!