In which I decide I want to cross to the other side...

Growing up in eighties Dublin, there were three types of people known to me; Protestants, Catholics and Chinese.  Being just kids when we moved there, we thought the same applied in America.  Shortly after we arrived, we went to visit Detroit.  It was our closest big city and the car was born there.  We thought it would be great craic.  Not so much.  We got lost in the ghetto.  It was not good, but eventually we found ourselves at Red Lobster, who's mass-produced slop was - at the time - exotic music to our bland palates.  We had heard of lobster, but never met anyone who ate it, yet alone seen a lobster tail for $9.99!  I don't really remember what we ate, but I do remember being acutely aware that we were different than all the other people in the restaurant.  My only previous sighting of African-Americans had been watching Roots with my Mam.  My little brother, who would have been about five or six at the time, was very loud and rambunctious.  He was drawing glances to our table, but it was only when he loudly wondered "why are all these Chinese people here" that people began to stare.  I think it was our Dublin accents that saved us.  We ate and left.  Quickly.  Not good.

Religion was also a confusing factor when we moved to America.  We lived in a tiny town that falsely claimed it had more churches per capita than any other city in the world.  Later on in my life I would often wish we'd moved to Madonna's birthplace two towns over, as they boasted the largest number of bars per capita, but that's another story. 

I could not in my life fathom how many churches there were.  Literally one on every corner.  I couldn't understand why we kept going to the same one, when there were loads to try.  What if the priest was better in another one?  The parents explained they were all protestant.  My parents were not the type of people to voice prejudice, but I definitely think it was there in some sort of stealth manner.  When I brought the husband home, his English surname was less of an issue than the fact that he was protestant, and even worse, not baptised.  My mother has even had the gall to suggest I baptise him in his sleep. 

I suppose that gives you a little background of where I am coming from.  Yes, I did get to attend an international high school in Belgium and was friends with Muslims, Jews, Sikh and Hindus, but somehow there was always that "ooooh, you're protestant" factor.  Weird. 

I've grown quite disillusioned with religion in adulthood.  I go back and forth between being Catholic and the latest trendy A-word.  I feel realistically that there is no God.  I mean if you look at it abstractly it makes no sense, but after I've been atheist for a year or so, I start to get this feeling like I'm missing something, so I go to mass but never find it. 

I like Jesus' teachings, I think they make a lot of sense, it's just that the church seems to be in direct opposition to so many of them.  However I still feel like I need some sort of spiritual guidance, that I can't go it alone.  I think there's a difference between belief and faith.  I have faith that something bigger is out there, but my belief is firmly lacking.

I began to research various religions around town, but besides a few fundamentalist options, there were not many alternatives.  Hence my recent foray into the Church of Ireland.   I went to their website today and am absolutely fascinated.  Turns out they are Catholics who think the pope is an ass.  Okay, well, not quite, but they do not accept his authority, something I agree with.  They say they are Catholic, just not Roman Catholic.  Everything I've been told is lies... ALL LIES!  I feel so betrayed.  And it gets better...

Transubstantiation also out. Check.
Corporal Assumption of Mary belief not required. Check.
Same for immaculate conception*. Check. 

Wow, this is looking good.  What else?  The clergy don't have complete control.  The laity have a huge role.  Just keeps getting better.

It's like they address every issue I have with Catholicism, but still keep the faith and tradition part I like.  Oh yeah, and they can sing!  Damn how they sing!

So what now?  I am booked this weekend to solo at Catholic services, so nothing until next week.  And then there's that whole actually-walking-in-the-door bit.  Will people stare, will they evangelise?  What if I hate it?  Will they pressure me to sign up or something? 

It just sounds too good to be true.  Of course it will break my mother's heart. "What about the children?" she'll say.  Yeah, because they are getting such a good religious upbringing right now.

What to do? Well, at least until I decide I'm agnostic again.

* Note, the immaculate conception actually refers to Mary being conceived without sin, not Jesus as many people misunderstand.